After all the hype leading up to (and the plethora of headlines that came immediately following) the two hour series premiere of “Scream Queens,” it’s safe to say that Ryan Murphy has done it again. And by done it again we either mean incredibly offended a bunch of people or has everyone talking about how clever he is, you can take your pick.
While we will say that we were thoroughly entertained by the hysterically gory slasher film homage that is “Scream Queens,” we’re not here to rehash what happened in the premiere episode –or to discuss whether or not Murphy is a racist. We’re here to go over all the fantastically witty and bitchy quotes from the pilot.
Love it or hate it, “Scream Queens” was stock full of devilishly insane, rude, and completely memorable quotes that will be stuck in our heads for weeks. Seriously, these lines are on par with “Heathers” –which we’re sure is no coincidence considering how many times the show has already been compared to said film.
1. “Historically short people are sneaky backstabbers —like Napoleon or Paul Scaffer.” – Chanel
2. “I do sort of love you, but I would love you a lot more if other people loved you too.” -Chad
3. “Shandell, why you gotta knife through your throat?” – Denise
4. “You don’t get STDs from blood oaths, you get STDs from dirty toilet seats and drinking the water in Mexico.” – Chanel
5. “I didn’t even know I was pregnant, I thought I was having a bread baby” -Sorority Girl from the 90s
6. “Private, like the parts of a man that you like to put in your mouth?” -Boone
7. “Now make me look like Jada Pinkett Smith” -Melanie
8. “You’re awful” -Dean Munsch “Maybe, but I’m rich and I’m pretty, so it doesn’t really matter.” – Chanel
9. “I call it the Nancy Meyers experience because when you burn it, it smells like creamy couches and menopause. You know like a Nancy Meyers movie. Four stars!” – Breezy
10. “I just think you are amazing Chad. Anyone you dated would be popular. I mean, they would be popular because they’re dating you.” -Chanel
11. “Like yes I could find a random girl who wasn’t popular and yes if I started dating her she would then become popular… dude that is a great idea for a movie. Somebody should make that movie. I wanna see that movie” – Chad
“Me too. You know who should direct that movie, Michael Bay, the greatest director of all time.” – Boone
12. “We’re just trying to have a nice day, hitting golf balls at hippies” -Chad
13. “Shut up! You don’t die from getting your face burned off” – Chanel
“Yes you do!” -Zayday
14. “No one forced that goat to get as drunk as he did. That’s on him.”“We’re having a side-boob mixer followed by a white party where everyone in attendance is actually white.”